Insecurity

After being back from Hong Kong, mental condition, I used to have before going to HK, comes back. The insecurity, the low self-esteem, and the lack of confidence. I think it has something to do with women, who I tries to please, who I hope to be close with. My social life in NCTU is always a sausage fest. It's a comfort zone I missed during exchange in HK, however, now a place I want to get away.

The Regular Depression

There is always a period of time, usually in the middle of semester, during which I'd get really pessimistic, and lack motivation. I don't know why this phenomenon keep happening, even thought I know it seriously drags me down. The moister, always-clouded days and the mosquito-haunting nights just worsen my mental condition. I started to stay up very late in order to feel tired enough to completely ignore the mosquitoes. I hope after I wrote this log, I can regain my motivation. Actually, speaking of which, maybe it's time to exam the current motivation.
I think I know what I have to do, or do I?
More pain, more gain.

Mature

After getting along with Alex Leontiev, I start to realized the real meaning to be mature:
1)responsible for your choice
2)manage every aspect of your own life. From career, profession, social life to relationship
These are cliches which father, teachers has told me long long time ago. But I never listened, did I?
Dealing with others, keeping contact with someone, taking emotional frustration etc are equally troublesome compared to solving the equation, understanding a technique etc.

Real maturity is to face the troubling issues, instead of escaping it.
I tends to escape all these problems by diving into novels, movies, and most effective, video games.
That is why I kept finding a game to make myself less anxious. But that is just a way to escape, isn't it?
I think I would build up my emotional endurance in the same way I trained my physical endurance: push the limit bit by bit and endure the pain. When facing the issues, when I am allowed to choose fight or flee, choose fight more often. Sure it would make you uncomfortable, painful for a while. But this is how you grow, how you prepare for the times when you are not allowed to flee.

And stay positive, think positive. Extract the sense of achievement in every events, which will give me the motivation. For example: At least I succeed in...

不經一事不長一智
Experience is the mother of wisdom